NOLAG Lans

1) At least one member will always possess the ability to mimic a Pterodactyl’s cry and will, at every available opportunity, demonstrate this ability

2) Any LAN Party exceeding five people will contain at least one member with over 30 GB of porn on their hard drive

3) At least one attendee will fail to bring a network cable

4) At least one attendee will always bring a network cable under 2 ft

5) At least one PC will find a way to lag at Starcraft

6) One member will have Star Wars bestiality porn on their PC and at least one other member will desire it

7) One attendee will have $400 in change on him

At least one attendee will consume more than 10 Liters in Energy Drinks

9) At least a quarter of attendees will pay a $5 entry fee with a $20 bill

10) At least One PC will be invisible to every other PC on the network, but at the same time, will be the only PC able to see every other PC on the network

11) At least one member will forget their network login password mere seconds after creating it

12) At least one player will ask how to reload forty minutes into an FPS match

13) The response they will get will be to hit Alt + F4

14) The amount of time spent arguing over balanced teams before a match must be equal or greater than the length of the game match itself

15) Somebody will always ask to borrow a computer

16) At least one member will have a firewall enabled

17) Pizza Hotline will always screw up at least one pizza order

18) Only 10% of those who say they will attend actually attend (known as the 10% rule)

19) Noise levels will reach their peak among members when we are placing the pizza orders over the phone

20) At least two members will bring wireless mice

21) Nobody chooses a game nickname that is in any way representative of themselves

22) At least two players will choose the same game nickname

23) At least half of the nicknames will be grossly inappropriate

24) No matter how well we prepare, we will always overload a circuit

25) Someone will always trip over a network cable

The Network of Local Area Gamers (NOLAG)

Preamble

-          We the collective hereby decree the mission forthcoming of providing our members the opportunity to engage in communal network activities.  These communal networking activities shall be provided for our members as often as deemed possible by the executive to satisfy the needs of our collective.

Terms

-          Current active members are defined as members who have been active in the collective meetings and/or events within the last six months.

Article I

-          The goal of our collective is to provide in essence the ability for our members to take part in Local Area Network Events.  These “LAN Parties” will provide our members the means of socially interacting around the context of video games on an ongoing basis.  This collective strives for as many of these events that can be effectively managed within a given period of time as determined by the collective.

Article II

-          The collective although equal in its entirety agrees that in order for efficient and effective leadership a systematic hierarchy must be present.  This systematic hierarchy nominates three executive positions that should be filled within the following parameters to ensure proper organizational functions of the collective.  The executive will consist of duel leader positions as to bring structure and balance to the collective.  These members will be equal in respect to their powers invested in them and their control over the routine functions of this collective.  To help ensure consistency in the decisions concerning the collective these two members will be given a veto power as to keep the collective on track with the goals outlined in Article I.   The third member of the executive will be chosen outside the realm of the network to strengthen the collective’s ties to our sister organizations.  This member will not have the veto power as to keep our decisions within the terms of Article I but will be given a special status as a symbolic representation of our mutual interests.

Article III

-          All decisions made by the collective are decisions voted on by the entire collective at specified meetings.  A topic for discussion can be brought up by any member during procedural hearings at any collective meeting and if discussion of such an issue raises a voting concern it will be tabled with a minimum support of 30% of members or has the approval of a executive. A tabled vote will be done on at the next available meeting to give all members appropriate notice for their own private arrangements concerning the issue.  When an issue is to be voted on an active majority must be present (40% of active members) unless an issue holds no conflict with the ranking executives. If a decision proposes a constitutional amendment the vote must consist of both veto holding executive members unless an 80% majority is achieved at which case one need only be present.  In the case of constitutional change overriding a veto, the 80% of the majority vote must include the voice of 50% of current active members.  Any decision made by the collective must be subjective to Articles I & II demonstrating focus on our goal and within the digression of the executive.  If members however achieve collective support of 80% of members with the support of one of the two executive veto powers, a single standing veto can be overwritten.  The non-veto executive position casts one vote and one vote only similar to the other members.

*Note: When a percentage is used as a method of calculating an amount of members, numbers are always rounded to the nearest whole and the executive is excluded due to special status.

Article IV

-          All information, once given formal recognition, is bound to be freely available to all members. It shall be mandated here that information concerning the collective must be available within a reasonable amount of time in such a way that is accessible in some form to all members.

Article V

-          In attempts to make the collective equal and eliminate barriers to entry there will be no fee or taxation on any members for any means.  Any and all collections of monies will be for reimbursement of incurred costs managing this collective and/or any events it wishes to create.  These monies will be collected from members directly involved in these cost incurring activities in the most fair and balanced way possible as deemed by the collective.  In no circumstances will profiteering be allowed by the collective organization as a whole or by any members in regards to the collective.

Article VI

- Every member is entitled to an honourary status that they feel represents their inner character.  This title, once chosen and approved by an executive will be bestowed upon them and only them for the member’s remaining period within the collective.  At this time, after the result of a decision by the executive, the name will either be released into the free domain of choices or withdrawn from the collective and sanctified in memory of a retiring member.

- Any member that wishes to change his or her title may do so at anytime with the approval of an executive.

Article VII

-          Our collective will have a minimum gathering requirement as outlined within the spectrum of this document.  We shall meet a minimum of once per fourth annum to discuss and debate the premise of our objective.

Amendment I

-           The fate of our collective’s leadership will be decided as it should be, in Mortal Kombat.  This Mortal Kombat is a leadership challenge that requires no official declaration.  Any active collective member may initiate a leadership challenge by confronting an executive in the presence of appropriate theme music, whilst possessing and demonstrating a choreographed set of moves and dress.  Mortal Kombat is not about death, but the preservation of just executive power.  As such, throughout Mortal Kombat, a challenged executive may surrender his or her position at any moment they feel exemplary leadership ability has been demonstrated by the challenger.

If you are like me, than some of the fondest memories of your childhood were spending a night (or a day for that manner) sitting on a carpeted floor with a friend playing through a (Insert Popular Console Game from the N64 era or before) game in a single, marathon sitting. I remember trading off the controller after every death (or level depending on the difficulty of the game), I remember high fives and cheers that  accompanied particularly daring and skillful maneuvers, but most of all, I remember the joy of putting a great many hours of my life  these classic, old-school games with my friends.

With that in mind, I would like to invite everyone to come relive those wonderful experiences in a Retro Gaming Night. The event will begin at 7:00 P.M on Friday October 30th,  in the Student’s Lounge on the 3rd floor of University Center. The event will last from 7:00 P.M until 3:00 A.M Saturday morning and will feature classic consoles such as the Nintendo, Super Nintendo, Sega Genesis, N64, and hopefully many others. The event will be free to attend, so be sure to bring your friends, as that is how these games were meant to be played.

If anyone happens to still own an old-school console, we would very much appreciate it if you would be kind enough to bring it down, as many of these consoles are getting harder and harder to find. If you do bring a console (or Gods willing a T.V), the one thing to understand is that for the duration of the event, everyone will have equal access to it, so if you are the kind of person who gets skittish skittish if you’re controllers get looked at the wrong way, you may want to abstain from this. If you can’t bring a console but have some older games you would like to play, feel free to bring them along.

Most Standard LAN Party Rules Apply:

1. No Hacking/Cheating
2. No unauthorized roughhousing, brawling, dueling, office chair jousting, going Super-Saiyen, etc.
3. No Abusive/Grossly Inappropriate language (Be aware that due to the close proximity of gamers at the LAN Party, violations of this rule often results in subsequent violations of rule #2)
4. Keep smack talk to a minimum (See Rule #3)
6. No inappropriate handling of your own property (Clothes stay on, no matter how hot the room gets)
7. No Alcohol on the premises
8. You must have had a shower within at least 24 hours of attending the LAN Party…no exceptions
9. Clean up all garbage you see (especially spills), we have been given an awesome room and would like to have it for future LAN Parties as well
10. No displaying of Pornographic materials
11. Share the Controllers (these games are single-player…SO SHARE DAMNIT!!!

For those of you in University, I wish you good luck on your exams and hope to see you on the 14th.

I just wanted to wish NOLAG’s very own Matthew C a happy birthday. In celebration, I created a cake to look like Europe Map, Matthew’s favorite Age of Empires II map and a staple of our LAN Parties. The red licorice represents matt as red player, which is the color he always takes and inveitably covers the map in. The yellow represents Justin (another LAN Party regular) who always survives to the end by converting his island into a doom fortress. Matthew N also got him a badass CPU cooler to coincide with the badass cake, which he put to good use in a gaming session that took us to the light of dawn. Happy birthday Matt and may you have many more in the future. Click on the gallery pictures below for larger pictures.